Why Not Both? On Bilingualism and Bisexuality

I’ve been wanting to write this blog post for ever, about the similarities between bisexuality and bilingualism.

First I wrote a list of 5 Things That Bisexuals And Bilinguals Have In Common:

#1: fabulous
#2: ninjas
#3: fabulous ninjas
#4: so good looking
#5: we love Freddie Mercury

It was a pretty dumb list.

What’s much more interesting are the brilliantly weird things that people say about bisexuality and bilingualism, and why they say them, and what effect they have.  

So in queer and linguistic theory, we talk about “Bisexual Erasure” and “The Monolingual Mindset” respectively, to explain the brilliantly weird things people say.

Bisexual Erasure is like when a famous lady who has previously only been known to date famous men is seen in the streets holding hands with another famous lady and the media headline is FAMOUS LADY COMES OUT AS FAMOUS GAY.

The Monolingual Mindset is like in Australia where you can speak any language you like as long as it’s English.

But I’m starting to think these are just alternative names for the same lens through which the world is viewed  - the same monocle, if you will.

This monocle works in a couple of ways.

The first is that it says you can only be one thing.

The second is that it says you can be two things, but only if you are each of those things in the same way that people who are only one of those things are one of those things; and if you’re not both of those things in the same way that people who are only one of those things are one of those things, then you’re not really both of those things - which is the same as saying you can only be one thing.

Simple, right?

Let’s see how this monocle works by having a look at some fun things people say about bisexuals and seeing how they apply to bilinguals!

“Pick a side  - are you gay or straight?”

You guys. Get suspicious when someone asks you an either/or question.

“Do you want to stop people drowning at sea or do you want to stop terrorists blowing up Australia?”
“Do you want to be fat or do you want to be happy?”
“Do you like cats or dogs?”

Both! The answer is both!

The idea of picking a side is just weird. Like what if you decide you’re only attracted to women and then you meet a really awesome guy but oh shit, you picked the wrong side, too bad, thanks for playing.

People can only want, or like, or be one thing; and oh boy, they can definitely only speak one language.

We’re really good at wanting people to speak only one language in Australia. Just look at the ‘4 hours of English’ policy in Northern Territory schools. Research shows that the best way to provide bilingual education is to start the first years of school in the home language, and then add the national language in a step wise fashion until you finish school in the national language with a strong grasp of both languages. But in the NT, the government were like ‘nope’ and instead mandated that the first four hours of school each day for all year levels had to be taught in English and only at the end of the day, the hottest part of the day, most tired ‘I want to go home I’m so done’ part of the day, could students be taught in their Indigenous languages.

Good work, government.

Pick a language. Pick a gender. Pick a side.

You can only be one thing.

Now here’s the second way the monocle works - again, let’s start with a weird thing people say to bisexuals.

“Okay, you’re bisexual. So you like men and women equally?”

(Fun variation: "how many men/women have you slept with?" Appropriate questions, people! Appropriate questions!)

This question makes us feel awkward because a lot of bisexuals are not attracted to men and women 50/50! Shh, don’t tell anyone!

Aaaactually it’s not a national secret, it’s right here in Robyn Ochs’ seminal definition of bisexuality:

“I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

But this is not what people are thinking of when they ask about your preference! Usually what they’re asking is “are you really gay or are you really straight?” It’s a disguised version of question 1. Because unless you answer that yes you do like men and women equally, you’ve basically admitted you’re not a “true” bisexual. Thanks for playing.

It turns out the same is true for bilinguals.

If you're bilingual, you speak both languages fluently, right?

Francois Grosjean published this really important paper in 1989 about how bilinguals are not two monolinguals in one person. (Literally the paper is called “Neurolinguists beware! The Bilingual is Not Two Monolinguals In One Person”.)

One of Grosjean’s big arguments is that when we look at bilinguals through the monolingual mindset, we judge bilinguals’ language abilities according to monolingual standards. 

“The ‘real’ bilingual is seen as the person who is equally and fully fluent in two languages; he or she is the “ideal”, the “true”, the “balanced”, the “perfect” bilingual”. […] All the others, who in fact represent the vast majority of people who use two languages in their everyday lives, are “not really” bilingual or are “special types” of bilinguals.” (p.4)

So a lot of bilinguals aren’t fully fluent in each of their two (or more) languages - bilinguals can have different language proficiencies in different situations. But the monolingual mindset says that anyone who is not fully fluent in both languages is “not really” bilingual; the same way that anyone who is not equally attracted to or has had the same experience with both men and women is “not really” bisexual.

This is why the second way the monocle works is basically the same as the first. On the surface it seems to allow for the possibility that someone could be bisexual or bilingual, but it defines bisexuality as the combination of heterosexuality and homosexuality, and it defines bilingualism as  monolingualism x2.  The criterion for being bisexual/bilingual is based on monosexual/monolingual standards, and if you don’t meet those standards (and very few people do), then you’re not really bilingual or bisexual so pick a side, dammit.

Why is this monocle view of the world so damaging?

Because, duh.

Also because people who are told they can  like men or women but not both are being asked to deny part of who they are.

Because people who are told to speak only one language are denying part of who they are.

Because people who aren’t equally fluent in both their languages may refuse to speak one language at all out of embarrassment that they don’t speak it “perfectly”.

Because people who are attracted to men and women but not equally are made to feel like they're not qualified to call themselves bisexual, so they don’t seek out other bisexuals in a community, but they never really belong in the gay or straight community either.

And really, ultimately, because people aren’t only one thing and when we reduce people to only one thing - whether one true thing or one false, terrible thing (women should be demure, refugees are terrorists, autistic people are sociopaths) - we stop seeing ourselves as fully human; but to be fully human is to be large, and to contain multitudes. (Thank you, Uncle Walt.)

(Oh hi! If you're know me personally and you have ever said any of these things, please don't feel this post is about you! It's not. I will always give you the benefit of the doubt that you have would never say these things to be hurtful. Also, I have used a lot (so much!) gender binary language in the post, for the lazy excuse that it 'flowed better'. I'm sorry, please forgive me.)